Expectations: God's or Mine?

    Well, we have concluded our first week of the School of Ministry and Development (SOMD). Of course, it has merely been Orientation week, but the subject matter has concerned great topics, and I am glad we have covered them.

    The very first day, our staff talked to us about the main purpose of SOMD; to provide us with the tools we will need for our ministry. Following that, we discussed the fundamental values of Youth With A Mission (YWAM), how to have a realistic expectation of ourselves and knowledge of who we are, understanding our callings -as individuals and as Christian’s. We talked about teamwork, observation skills, event management, and leadership. We also received work duties, local ministry options, and assignments. Yes. It has been a full week.

    Tomorrow, we begin the official training course. I’ve already found myself challenged about what will happen over these next few months, and what exactly, the Lord wants to direct me towards.

    I’ve wanted to be a missionary in Africa ever since I was about seven years old. And He has confirmed, and blessed, this dream. I will go to Africa. But there are other things He is calling me to as well. Some of them will come before Africa, some during, and some after. I learned after my DTS in 2014 that following the Lord’s direction is like playing ‘connect the dots.’ Sometimes it doesn’t make sense what you are doing, but if you connect the dots as they should be, you get to see the picture completed.

    Our first day we were asked to spend time in prayer concerning what God expected of us. -Not what we expected, but what HE expected. I honestly hate those kinds of prayers. They’re not usually what I want to hear ...But they always prove to be what I truly needed to hear. (They just mean I have to let go of control.)

     I’ve learned not to be surprised by God, even when I am surprised. And I am weary of trying to second-guess God. Every time I think I have something figured out... I'm usually contradicted.

    So, as I bowed my head in prayer, I asked the Lord what HE expected of me in this season. Not what Karen expected, but what did He expect.

    His response?

“Don’t try so hard.” -The chorus words sung by Amy Grant and James Taylor entered my mind.
“Trust Me.”
“Silence. Quiet your mind, your heart, and your body.”
“Learn wisdom from others.”

    That was it. That’s all He told me.

     Why wasn’t I surprised? Because it’s so typical of Him. I worry about the issues, and He is only concerned with the heart.

    But when taken into context, it really is the foundational requirement any teacher would set out for their students:

1. Don’t set unrealistic goals for yourself. Let the teacher assign the goals, and accept help when needed. 
2. Trust your instructor. If you don’t trust the one teaching you, you are incapable of learning anything. 
3. Be silent. Listen to instruction instead of always trying to figure it out on your own. And stop trying to rush everything. The journey of learning can be a wonderful experience if you quit focusing on the grade. 
4. Learn from your teacher, and from other students around you. Everyone is unique in their own way, with various experience, knowledge, and wisdom. Build relationships and learn from your peers. 

    It makes sense, doesn’t it?

    When I did my Discipleship Training School, I brought everything with me and laid it on the alter. Because I did this, I allowed Him to move in me in ways I had never experienced before. Afterwards, however, I started trying to figure things out for myself again. I carried that attitude with me into my School of Biblical Studies, only to be broken down as I was faced with the realization that I knew even less than I had originally thought: A humbling, crushing, and beautiful experience.

    Now, as I begin my SOMD, I am faced with the question: What do I expect from this training season?

    And I cannot answer that now.

    When I first arrived, I had a list. But the Lord didn't go over the list. He just told me to stop trying so hard, trust Him, be silent, and learn from others.

    So, I am going to try something different this time. I’m going to hold onto God’s personal expectations and throw out my own. In doing this, I will allow Him to direct me. And all those ‘tools’ the SOMD is meant to equip me with; will be better received, learned, and applied. I have my vision, and I will serve in the ministry I know He is leading me into. But I am going to do it His way, and not Karen’s way.

    I am going to be content with His expectations, and let those be my goals; not just for SOMD, but for the rest of my life.

    Everything else will build upon that.