Lessons in Love: Excerpt from my Feb Newsletter

    Well, the last time you heard from me I had recently come from the hospital. The Lord carried me through and reminded me that every place we go is an opportunity to share His love. But I didn't really talk much about the other side of my experience. I don't really like to talk about my struggles in my newsletters. I would much rather they be filled with news about all the good things that were happening. But I think I had forgotten that glory can still be found even while in the midst of difficulties, and it is okay to admit that we're going through them. And you need to see my weaknesses as well as my strengths, or else you don't know how to pray for me.             

   I confess now that my illness and surgery was a rude awakening. After nearly 20 years of being the 'caretaker,' I was the one who needed to 'be taken care of.' I've had help and support support before, but I had never been 'helpless.' (That was my mom and gran, and hundreds of other people. But not me!) I tried to smile and be gracious, but I didn't really know how to accept it. I've never liked having to depend on others. I've already been struggling enough with the concept of living off the financial generosity of others without suddenly needing people to bring me my meals and wash my hair for me too! I couldn't even keep control of my emotions, and I found myself crying frequently.
               

    I admit that I became frustrated and confused. My attitude began to shift towards the negative. My emotions and nerves were on edge, and it seemed like everything that could go wrong -financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually -Did go wrong. And then all the questions started coming: Why am I hear? What was I accomplishing? Why was I doing a Bible school? Why did I get so sick now of all times? Why is being a missionary full-time so important? Why not keep a paying job with insurance, and spend my vacations doing mission work? Why did I give up everything that I owned? How can I live this way? What was I thinking? I have no security. I have no home. I belong to nothing anymore. Is this what I really wanted??? 

    Even though my health and recovery has improved greatly, a couple of weeks ago I did honestly consider quitting my Bible School, go stay with some family, get a job, and just start living like regular people do. One of my roommates wisely advised me to not react to my emotional frustrations, but to spend more time in prayer about it. I realized then that I needed help with that part too. So, I sought out friends to pray with. And I realized something: When you pray with others, it's no longer just about you.

    And during this past week of prayer sessions with my friends the Lord reminded me of what I was doing -what was in my heart -that led had me here.

    All over the world there are people who are going through trials and tribulations in their own lives: starvation, poverty, addictions, prostitution, abuse, neglect, loneliness, abandonment... and they do not have the Hope that I have in my heart. They have no one to take care of them, to encourage them, to love them. That's why I'm here. That's what I'm preparing my heart for. Because if I, with all my hope and faith in the Lord, can find myself doubting and struggling after one minor surgery -How much more is it for those who have lived through a genocide and have no hope or faith to lean on? No one to help them survive?
                
     I am blessed. I have family and friends who offer me encouragement, support, and love. And I have the assurance of knowing that I have a Heavenly Father Who I can always turn to, and Who will always take care of me. Millions of other people don't have that! I'm not just doing a Bible School so that I can understand the Bible better. I'm doing it so that I can live it better and understand how to teach it to those who have never heard His Words of love, and hope, and salvation!

   It's not just something that I have an 'interest' in or a 'concern' about. It's taken root deep within my heart. It's a part of me now. In truth, it has been since I was a child. I cannot offer the kind of help that I desire to on a part-time basis. I want to be a part of the people that I minister too. I want to make my home with them. I want them to know that I choose to stay with them because the Lord loves them. I want to endure hardships with them so that they might see Jesus through me. I might not have wealth to give, but I can give myself.

    When you look at the pictures I have shared, can you see what is in my heart, and why? How could I ever walk away from this? Why would I want to?

    I praise God that I got sick and had this surgery. He has taught so much through it and reminded me why I have chosen this life. It's not about me. It's about Him, and the people in my life who become my family. And together with my family -we will live for the Lord. And I don't care how sick I get, or how hard times become. Money will come in or it will not. The Lord will provide for my needs. I just have to trust Him, and to lean Him. ...And to lean on my family. For I am finally learning what it means to be a member of the body of Christ -Not just to meet the needs of others, but to also allow others to help me in times of need. I realize that I cannot do this by myself. Sometimes I need others -even in prayer. ...Especially in prayer.

   

    Did you know that you are a part of my family? Did you know that I pray for you when I send my newsletters or update my blog-even if you do not ask? I may not even know you, but God does. And I know that you pray for me. I can feel it when you do because there is a peace that washes over me. I thank you for the encouragement you give to me, and I hope that I am an encouragement to you. (If I'm not, please help me to learn how.) I want to include you with me as I learn and grow here in Mexico. I want to take you with me when I go to serve in Africa. Because the truth is, if you ever opened up and read one of my newsletters or blogs, you became a part of my story. And everything that I do, and everywhere that I go, and to every person that I pray with, work with, or minister to -you are a part of that. I'm sorry if I never told you that before.

Thank you for being a part of my family; my ministry; my life.

I couldn't do this without you.

                                   

                               I Love You,                  

                                   Karen