How Great is My God!

I am amazed at my God! How wonderful, how great, how marvelous He is! There is nothing that compares to knowing Him. Nothing that can replace that deep and intimate relationship with Him!

Island Clearly Seen

There's an island off the coast right across from the YWAM mission base I am staying at. It lies in the Pacific Ocean, and during the summer months the sun sets behind it creating some of the most incredible sunsets I have ever seen. No two sunsets ever look alike. Each one is different -full of various paint strokes, colors, silhouettes, and glowing warmth. One of my favorite things to do here is to simply sit down and watch the sun set behind the island. During the winter months the position of the sun moves to the left of the island and sets directly behind the ocean's horizon. Another spectacular view, but I still favor it when the sun sets behind the island.

Island Hidden

There are some days that are very hazy, and I cannot see the island very well. Some days I cannot see it all. Especially on stormy days. But I know if I wait long enough, and be patient, the clouds will lift and I will see the island again. It's just like the sunsets. For a season they set to the left of the island, and for another season it sets behind the island. But regardless of wherever the sun sets, or whatever the weather is like, I know that island is still there -right where it's supposed to be.

I believe it's the same way with my God. There are some seasons when I feel so distant from Him, and there are some seasons that I know I am right in His will. And there are days that I can see Him clearly, and there are days that I cannot see Him at all. But no matter what the weather is like in my life, no matter what storms approach, I know that He is always there. It doesn't always matter if I can see Him clearly. For those are the days that require the most faith. And if I remain steadfast in that faith, watch and pray, continue to seek Him, and wait patiently, those clouds will eventually go away. The haze will lift. The storms will pass. And perhaps I might even discover that I wasn't so far from Him during those times as I had thought. But rather I was right in His will (and His arms) the whole time.

Even very recently I have endured many days of clouds and haze, and some storms. Yet I did continue to seek, and to pray, and to wait. And now I see that the clouds have lifted and He has again shown me His face. And I am so blessed that I was also able to recognize Him when I did. For He seldom reveals His face the way that we would expect. He usually shows up in the most simplest of gestures and words.

This morning our base prayed for those of us in the Bible School who still owed money for this trimester. I am the only one who has not paid one penny. I know that if I am not covered I cannot continue. And I do want to stay, but the Lord had given me peace about my school finances before I arrived. I do worry a little, but I am not anxious. He will either provide the $2,700 or not. The money I have received had to go to other priority places. It honestly could not be helped. So, it would seem like there are clouds in my sky. But somehow... I'm not stressed about it. Even though money has been my biggest concern for the last 20 years, I am not anxious. Peace is a strange thing. It makes no sense.

After the prayer meeting this morning I went down to the fire pit and lounged on one of the couches to do homework. But I kept remembering what one godly woman said to me this morning after the meeting, "Remember Ephesians. He is going to provide for you exceedingly and more abundantly than what you ask or think." So, I felt the need to read the entire chapter. (While I was reading, one of the DTS students came and set down on the couch opposite me. She was clearly there for devotional time, and she saw my Bible open, so we didn't converse. -Just smiled at each other and carried on.)

During my reading Eph 3, the whole chapter moved me, but especially vs 15-21.

"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from Whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

And while I was pondering these words and their meaning, the DTS student approached me and asked to pray over me and my finances. Of course I welcomed the prayer. But during our little visit we ended up sharing a bit of our hearts for the Lord. I noticed her necklace: Two silver pendants 1. A circle with the words 'Faith,' 'Hope,' and 'Love' 2. The Star of David. After she prayed I complimented her necklace. And after we had visited a little more, I thanked her for her heart, and then she did the most amazing thing. She took off her necklace and gave it me feeling that was what the Lord wanted. And then I began to cry again (I do that a lot lately), and I shared with her the scripture I had been reading before she came. It's funny, we've seen each other for over two months, but until this morning we didn't even know each other's names. Now, I have a necklace that will always remind me of her ...and of what the Lord is doing in my life.

Before I went to DTS, another friend had given me her own necklace as a parting gift. It had a mustard seed in a small clear pendant. I wore that necklace every day during my Lecture Phase in DTS to remind me to walk in faith. Today, He had another woman give me her necklace to remind me that I am here to seek His face. It is faith. It is hope. It is love. And He came to me again this morning, not in the form of money, but in the kind gesture of a simple gift -prayer, and an answer. (And I have also found another DTS student to focus my prayers on while she is on Outreach. A new friend.)

After she had left all I could do was get on my knees and praise God. -Not for the provision of money (though I know He will) but for His infinite love, and compassion, and how gentle He has been in teaching me. For I know in the eyes of the world I'm a good woman, but I know by the standards of the Lord I have sorely lacked. And I have even been cruel to others (most particularly to my mom) when I was in a bitter mood, and while I was rebelling against God. And I have known since the night my mom died that was the night the Lord broke me. I've always known. And it was that same night that I came home and said, "Okay God. No more excuses. You've taken them all from me. Wherever You want me to go, I'll go. Whatever You want me to do, I'll do. Just                                                                           please don't let this be a waste."

I asked God to 'save me from myself' before my mother died. And when He took her, in my grief, I stopped fighting against Him and instead pursued Him. And He had every right to rain down judgment and punishment on me for my actions and words. But He didn't. I have so often felt like the forgiven servant in Luke 7:41. These past two years all I can do is think of how gentle He has been with me. Even in teaching me how to live by faith. He has not thrown me into the deep waters. He is guiding to them; slowly and patiently. Later today, another woman who staff's on this base approached me and we visited, and she asked me if I knew the story behind the famous painting of Jesus carrying the lamb. I answered that I assumed it was the lost lamb and He was bringing it back. This is true, but the complete story took my breath away.

When a sheep strays away and does not heed the voice of the Shepherd, He does go and retrieve the sheep. But to make sure it does not stray again He breaks its legs. He does this to teach the lamb. He does this to protect the lamb because it does not understand the danger of leaving Him. But when He does break it's legs, He lifts it up and carries it on His shoulders. He nurtures and ministers to the lamb. And the lamb learns to depend on the Shepherd for healing and comfort. It is a time of deep intimacy with the Shepherd. It experiences the gentleness of His love and begins to know the sound of His voice. Eventually, the lambs' legs do heal, and it can stand on its own again and mix with the other sheep. If it starts to wonder off again, the Shepherd calls out, and this time the lamb knows the voice of its Shepherd and comes back. ...Or perhaps it has grown so close to the Shepherd it never wants to leave His side again...

I am the lamb who strayed far away. I am the servant who was forgiven much. I am the sun who distanced itself during winter months. Yet, He is my island that always remains. He is my Master Who has forgiven my debts. And He is my Shepherd Who broke my legs. Yes. He has broken me. But He is also healing me, and He has forgiven me, and He is teaching me. And I know that I will never again leave Him. I cannot bear the thought.

And if God gave me the chance, to exchange one moment of this journey, this brokenness with Him, for just one more day with my mom -if only to redo that last day ....I wouldn't take it. For nothing in this world can ever compare to knowing His love, and the strength that is found in that love. The seasons I had with my mother are over. I no longer have her to go to. I am left no other option now than to turn to the Lord.

Another friend told me earlier today that God is wanting me to become desperate for Him. Desperate to the point that nothing else matters but Him. And this has been my heart's desire. Even the sins and pain that I once regretted -I now rejoice over. Without those moments He could not have taught me many of the lessons I now understand. Without them I would be lacking in compassion. For I have learned that there is nothing we endure that does not lead us back to the Lord. It's not a question of 'if He's going to help.' It's a question of 'will you let Him?'

Soon... very soon. I am going to go into places that require a great deal of faith in God. I know that I will walk into dangerous territory, and I will be sorely tested. But for this season, I am being prepared. Even in my recent illness and surgery. ALL of this has been building me, and breaking me, and teaching me. I am learning to have faith. I am learning leadership. I am learning how to read His Word. I am learning how to pray.  And I am relearning everything that I had known before, including how to serve. There has not been one wasted moment. And now I can do something that I never could before ...I trust Him.