Leaving England for..... Where?

 

Confirmations have come, and leaving plans are in order. It's final. 

I'm leaving England.

It was a decision that took over a year to make, but at last God confirmed that it was good, and I made the choice. 

But I have no idea where I will be going! Some plans, but not full plans.

I had applied to the School of Word and Spirit in Seamill, Scotland, and I received the acceptance email on 31 March! Having now also purchased my plane ticket, I fly out at 13:45 Saturday, 14th May. So, I will be here to celebrate and serve with the WISE Gathering.  

After the SWS concludes (24th June) I will stay on a couple more weeks to focus on more debriefing and intentional prayer time with the Lord because... well...  I'm not 100% sure what's happening after that. 😳

What I do know is that I will be flying back to the States for a three-week's visit (8-28 July), during which I will have three stays in three different States, and in process of setting up times with friends, family and speaking in a few churches. It will be a busy time more than a vacation time. And it will serve as a continued fundraising trip, providing information about YWAM and what all I've been doing, etc. My ticket is a return bringing me back to Europe, but I'm not sure where. I had thought I would apply to Rostrevor, N. Ireland for the next couple of years and stay in the UK. I did a zoom call over there and was really excited about going. I even put it in my newsletter. 

However, a great hesitancy came over me while filling out the paper work and I couldn't get through it. So, I had to go back to the Lord to understand what the problem was, and He simply told me to go back over what we had talked about before, words I had been receiving from now back to even before my DTS, and what He's trying to teach me right now. Of course, it's far too much to share everything (we're talking 20yrs), and I still don't understand all of it myself, but I will share a few seasonal highlights so you can be praying for me. I appreciate any and all prayer. 

1. I'm supposed to be a writer, and I rarely write anymore. I've written poetry, short stories, teachings, and have outlines for two historical-fiction novels ready for over ten years. But I've neglected all of it. Especially since my mom died in 2013. I don't even read like I used to. I don't really even know when or how it happened. It just did. But God has been wanting to restore this love of reading and writing in me again for a long time. This particular thing isn't new, but He has made a big issue of it when I was praying about it during COVID. And after I finally acknowledged that I did need to take it seriously again, I got an email announcing the writing school I had been waiting four years for was finally starting again!

I am excited to announce that I have also been accepted into the YWAM Authors Training modular writing course, which begins this October. https://www.ywamwriters.eu/

1. I'm called to Mercy Ministries and the Broken. I've served a lot in my life, but seldom have I really ministered. God gave me Isaiah 58:12 years ago, even before YWAM. "Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. " I'm very passionate about helping people understanding God's Word, the history, and customs of times during and even after the Bible times. But I've neglected it since COVID. And I got so busy working here on base that I neglected working in mercy ministry. 

God wants me to get back on track with both of these. As they both focus on ministering to both a the physical and the spiritual needs of individuals, at least for me. They also give me life.

1. REST. I am very familiar and comfortable with the W-O-R-K four letter word, but I realize I that the concept of R-E-S-T is a little difficult for me. He has made it clear, and confirmed through numerous people [for the past couple of years] that I need to learn how to rest. To do that, I need to understand what that is and experience it so that I can live it.

Though listed as #3 here, it is actually God's main priority with me right now. 1 and 2 will not be possible without 3 being first.

Again, there is a lot more, but these three are the main idea for this season. REST is the biggest issue He has with me right now, and if I make a long-term commitment to Rostrevor, or anywhere else, I'm not going to be 'resting.' I'll be focused on getting there, and then I'll be focused on serving there. That's not what He wants. And, if I were to be honest, that's not what I need right now either. (His words. Not mine.) 😉

When I finally did reflect on it, I don't think I've really stopped since I was ten years old. 

I watched out for my mom when our family broke. I took care of her (and Gran) when her health declined up until her death (and Gran's). I didn't let people help me with the estate. I didn't even let people comfort me in my grief at her funeral. Rather, as my brother observed, I was a little butterfly checking on everyone else. Then I headed straight into missions and focused on serving. And when COVID hit, a lot of suppressed stuff surfaced and I focused on dealing with that.

I have learned a lot. I've had a lot break throughs, and I've grown a lot. (Spiritually. Not physically.) I've even let people take care of me ...a little. But all that seems to have been part of the journey just to get me focusing on being in His rest.

He started speaking to me about the concept of REST during the early months of COVID. I wasn't able to understand it. I kept 'trying' to, but I wasn't succeeding. (Probably because if one is 'trying' they are not 'resting.') Truthfully, I think it's taken me two years of processing the concept just to get to the point where I can finally submit to not making any long-term plans or commitments. And what plans I do make need to fit within the realm of what He's highlighted in this season. The SWS, ATS and States visit fit within that. A two-year staffing commitment anywhere doesn't. 

I did ask if I should take a break from missions and get a job, but He pointed out to me that wasn't resting either. I'd focus on that. He confirmed that I am to stay in missions and not go back to normal job-like work. Not making any long-term plans or commitments right now has been a struggle for me. I'm a planner, and I also want security. I want to know where I'm going to live and what I'll do. But God isn't concerned with that right now, and I think, that's the whole point. And I also believe He has a destination planned, but I can't know what it is yet. And I can't commit anywhere so that I'm free when He reveals it. 

In many ways, this is season is about partnership. God isn't [necessarily] telling me what to do. He's letting me make the decisions, but with Him and I discussing them and making them together. When I'm making good and wise decisions, He confirms it. And when I'm making good, but perhaps not-so-wise decisions, He pauses me, and we re-evaluate it. That's what happened with my plans to move to Rostrevor and stay in the UK. I can do that if I want to, but it will affect something else He has planned. I don't know what that is. I just have to take it one day at a time, and trust Him, and work together with Him during this journey. And I decided to do that.

When I first stepped into missions, I called my journey a pilgrimage. I suppose I'm still on it physically as well as spiritually. I had truly thought I would stay in England for many years, but I was also ready to leave if that was His will. And it would seem that Harpenden was really only a temporary precious stay in my wanderings. And now, I am to go back to living out of suitcases for a while. Not thrilled about that part, but He let me make the choice, and I did. It's my decision.

So, other than the short-term events I mentioned, I don't know where I will be or what I will do. I do have options. I do have places to stay for a few months. So, I will not be homeless during my pilgrim wanderings... I think. 🤔 I'm just having to take it one day, one step at a time. Maybe that's the whole point. Perhaps, in order to rest, to truly rest in Him, I can't be thinking about the destination. I'd be too focused on it. I think that He just wants me to focus on today and not worry about tomorrow. 

And I admit, as much as I like to plan, as much as I crave the security of knowing where I'll be and where I stand, and having a physical home to go to, (and as much as I stressed about this whole thing these past three months) I've realized that there is something very beautiful and tranquil about the idea of NOT being concerned with work or ministry. Do it, but don't be concerned about it. It is a good thing to work hard and serve well during the right times. But it is also just as important to sometimes leave the work behind and go into up into the hills to be alone with God. I know how to work. I'm a willing and able servant. But I admit that I often get so busy serving that I neglect the One I serve. 

I think my Father just wants to spend some time with me. And this time with Him, this time in the hills, will not last forever. It may only be a few months at most. I may have my destination by the time I leave Scotland. I may not. But however long it is, I expect it to be a good time to get refocused, to process, to pray, to be ready for whatever plans He has for me ...but mostly to simply enjoy being His daughter and rest in Him.

And to remember to make regular visits to those hills again in the future, every chance I get. ❤️

A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to cope with this idea. But now, I'm ready for it. I expect it to be a good season. 

For your information:

14 May - 24 June -SWS

25 June - 6 July -Debriefing and Intentional Prayer Time with God

8 July -28 July -States: Ohio, Texas, Nevada

29 July - ?????

22 Oct - 11 Nov -ATS

12 Nov - ?????