Life Back in Texas! Yeehaw!!!
Well....
I'm back!
Been back for about a month and a half. Nearly Christmas. A lot of changes.... Very weird.
So, I've been living with my uncle and aunt -rent free. (Can't beat that!) They've both been truly a blessing. I do think they're spoiling me a bit too much though. I may never want to go rough it again with all the special treatment I'm receiving. Have to watch myself from getting too lazy at home though! LOL!
It has been hard to be back. But it's a necessary experience. More healing needs to happen in order for God to be able to fully use me. There's a lot of details in there that isn't wise for me to speak publically on, but I appreciate the prayer. I've received a lot of support from my family, church and friends on my decision to go into missions full-time. I really need their support. Especially now. Being back in Texas makes my entire missions experience feel like a dream more than a reality. I can see how the time spent before I go to the next step is vital.
I applied to, and have been accepted, to the Chronological School of Biblical Studies (CSBS) in Mexico. (Yes. That would be Old Mexico. Not the one that's a part of the U.S.A.) It's a nine month, intensive Bible study course in which we will go through the Bible, beginning to end, reading, studying the times, cultures, customs, etc. I had spent months praying about it, and God said yes. And then He directed me to Mexico. I am very excited about it. And following the course is an optional trip to Israel. I hope I can afford to go. I've always wanted to go, and to do so just after spending nine months eating, sleeping and breathing the Word of God.... What could be better? ;)
Isn't God amazing?
I'm not working. I feel a bit embarrassed to tell people it's my choice not to work. It's sounds irresponsible to my owns ears. But before I left England I started to apply to my old jobs, and every time I completed the form and tried to send it I kept stopping. I asked God what my problem was. After a couple of weeks of asking I felt like He was telling me that it was okay if I went back to work, but He really wanted me to focus on something else. So I desided not to apply and was surprised that I had peace about it.
I had a lot to do anyways. I needed to touch base with friends and family, give my testimony, raise a support team, get rid of the last of my belongings in storages, etc., etc., etc. And I only had about three to four months to do it as I had been invited to go back to England to staff a school in April. I also needed to reapply for another visa, etc. So, it was logical that I needed all the free time I had to get all that done in time.
However, the school got canceled. So, there was no reason for me to go back to England for such a short time period. I realized I had a large time gap before CSBS next September, and I questioned my decision not to get a job. I haven't even plugged into a full time project here. I've only done a little missions here and there, going on a brief trip with my church after Christmas, possible opportunities to work with some ministries in Nevada soon... But I haven't found anything that I can fully plug into until I leave. So, I asked God about it... again.
I didn't get an immediate response.
Then I realized the other day what was happening. I will begin giving my testimony after New Years. And when I do, it's purpose is not just to raise support for myself, but also to encourage others to participate in ministries. In boredom and desperation to be useful I have been searching out and working with several different ones. By doing this I can give first hand descriptions and encouragement. Not everyone is called to go into a foreign country. Perhaps He means to use me to help others get involved in local ministries. If I had a job my focus would be on that, and I wouldn't be doing this.
Isn't God amazing?
More than that, He's been leading me to help a few certain people in their spiritual growth. My first reaction to this is to say that I'm not good enough, and I'll let them down. But then I realize that this is a major part of what I've chosen. It doesn't just happen when I leave Texas again. It happens here as well. And by supporting others in their spiritual growth, The Lord is keeping my focus on Him and continuing to develop my own. And He's helping me every day to become more worthy of His trust. Because that's what He's doing. He's trusting me to help take care of His children. And He's also trusting me to realize when He's growing me.
Isn't God amazing?
I also became a god mom while I was gone! One of my best friend's eldest daughter desided that she wanted me to be her god mom, and then the other two siblings agreed. Then my friend added the baby. So, now I have four god children. I guess it wasn't a coinsidense that I just "happened" to learn what a god parent is from my head staff leader in England some months ago. I think God was preparing me for this role.
Isn't God amazing?
Even before I left England... Three precious friends covered me with prayer one night.... In which I finally let go of my mother. And it really happened this time cause I let her go for the right reasons. I realize I can never love to the full capacity I was created for if I'm holding on to so much pain. So I choose love. It's still a process of change, but it's working out one day at a time. I kinda feel lost here sometimes. And I was right about falling into my old habits easily. It's a struggle I'm gonna win though. -with God's help. With Him all things are possible.
Isn't God amazing?
I've just about got rid of all my things. My church is helping me with the last of it. I'm not gonna pretend. It hurts. And everyone keeps telling me I'm going to regret getting rid of everything when I settle down again. But I can't justify keeping stuff in storage that can be used and loved by others on the chance that I might "settle down" in 5, 10, 20 years from now. Plus, I'd be worried about it. I'm keeping Mom's butterfly's and a couple of small blankets she made. That's enough. Everything else was Mom's life. And it was a good life. But now I have to live my own. I can't carry hers with me anymore. And I have to be free to go wherever God leads me. Material possessions are just that! And I don't want anything holding me back.
God's too amazing for that!
I've been singing a song a lot lately. It was from a Christian cartoon when I was a kid. I always loved it. As a teen I recorded the words and memorized it. Now, I realize it was a prayer and a blessing I was holding onto even as a little girl. It was about the parable Jesus taught comparing the Kingdom of God to a merchant seeking pearls. I can watch that cartoon episode today and it makes me cry. I think the words can explain what I'm doing better than I can.
"All that I have.
I'll give all that I have.
Till I hold in my hand the pearl.
Nothing I have can compare to the price when I hold in my hand the pearl.
Brighter than sun.
Clearer than glass.
Dearer than gold.
The Pearl.
Kingdom of God! It's the Kingdom of God!
It's life with my Lord.
The Pearl.
All that I have is ashes, is earth,
now that I've seen the Pearl.
And I cannot rest, I will not be content, til at last it is mine, forever to shine,
The Kingdom of God.
The Pearl.
Let me sell everything I own.
All in this dreary world I've known.
Treasures and possessions now I bring to trade them for one single shinning thing.
All that I have is ashes, is earth, now that I've seen the Pearl.
And I cannot rest, I will not be content, til at last it is mine, forever to shine,
The Kingdom of God.
The Pearl."
-Does anyone honestly believe that it's a coincidence that I've held that particular song dear since childhood?
Isn't God amazing?
Well, that's about it for now, I guess. Not a lot of action going on outside, but on the inside there's still amazing things happening. The most important thing I need to focus in right now is putting others before myself. In other words: God's given me a lot of special attention, and now it's time for me to help others to find the same thing I did. And there's a small part of my future I think He's let me get a small look at. Still praying about it.
It's just going to happen one day at a time.
I'm back!
Been back for about a month and a half. Nearly Christmas. A lot of changes.... Very weird.
So, I've been living with my uncle and aunt -rent free. (Can't beat that!) They've both been truly a blessing. I do think they're spoiling me a bit too much though. I may never want to go rough it again with all the special treatment I'm receiving. Have to watch myself from getting too lazy at home though! LOL!
It has been hard to be back. But it's a necessary experience. More healing needs to happen in order for God to be able to fully use me. There's a lot of details in there that isn't wise for me to speak publically on, but I appreciate the prayer. I've received a lot of support from my family, church and friends on my decision to go into missions full-time. I really need their support. Especially now. Being back in Texas makes my entire missions experience feel like a dream more than a reality. I can see how the time spent before I go to the next step is vital.
I applied to, and have been accepted, to the Chronological School of Biblical Studies (CSBS) in Mexico. (Yes. That would be Old Mexico. Not the one that's a part of the U.S.A.) It's a nine month, intensive Bible study course in which we will go through the Bible, beginning to end, reading, studying the times, cultures, customs, etc. I had spent months praying about it, and God said yes. And then He directed me to Mexico. I am very excited about it. And following the course is an optional trip to Israel. I hope I can afford to go. I've always wanted to go, and to do so just after spending nine months eating, sleeping and breathing the Word of God.... What could be better? ;)
Isn't God amazing?
I'm not working. I feel a bit embarrassed to tell people it's my choice not to work. It's sounds irresponsible to my owns ears. But before I left England I started to apply to my old jobs, and every time I completed the form and tried to send it I kept stopping. I asked God what my problem was. After a couple of weeks of asking I felt like He was telling me that it was okay if I went back to work, but He really wanted me to focus on something else. So I desided not to apply and was surprised that I had peace about it.
I had a lot to do anyways. I needed to touch base with friends and family, give my testimony, raise a support team, get rid of the last of my belongings in storages, etc., etc., etc. And I only had about three to four months to do it as I had been invited to go back to England to staff a school in April. I also needed to reapply for another visa, etc. So, it was logical that I needed all the free time I had to get all that done in time.
However, the school got canceled. So, there was no reason for me to go back to England for such a short time period. I realized I had a large time gap before CSBS next September, and I questioned my decision not to get a job. I haven't even plugged into a full time project here. I've only done a little missions here and there, going on a brief trip with my church after Christmas, possible opportunities to work with some ministries in Nevada soon... But I haven't found anything that I can fully plug into until I leave. So, I asked God about it... again.
I didn't get an immediate response.
Then I realized the other day what was happening. I will begin giving my testimony after New Years. And when I do, it's purpose is not just to raise support for myself, but also to encourage others to participate in ministries. In boredom and desperation to be useful I have been searching out and working with several different ones. By doing this I can give first hand descriptions and encouragement. Not everyone is called to go into a foreign country. Perhaps He means to use me to help others get involved in local ministries. If I had a job my focus would be on that, and I wouldn't be doing this.
Isn't God amazing?
More than that, He's been leading me to help a few certain people in their spiritual growth. My first reaction to this is to say that I'm not good enough, and I'll let them down. But then I realize that this is a major part of what I've chosen. It doesn't just happen when I leave Texas again. It happens here as well. And by supporting others in their spiritual growth, The Lord is keeping my focus on Him and continuing to develop my own. And He's helping me every day to become more worthy of His trust. Because that's what He's doing. He's trusting me to help take care of His children. And He's also trusting me to realize when He's growing me.
Isn't God amazing?
I also became a god mom while I was gone! One of my best friend's eldest daughter desided that she wanted me to be her god mom, and then the other two siblings agreed. Then my friend added the baby. So, now I have four god children. I guess it wasn't a coinsidense that I just "happened" to learn what a god parent is from my head staff leader in England some months ago. I think God was preparing me for this role.
Isn't God amazing?
Even before I left England... Three precious friends covered me with prayer one night.... In which I finally let go of my mother. And it really happened this time cause I let her go for the right reasons. I realize I can never love to the full capacity I was created for if I'm holding on to so much pain. So I choose love. It's still a process of change, but it's working out one day at a time. I kinda feel lost here sometimes. And I was right about falling into my old habits easily. It's a struggle I'm gonna win though. -with God's help. With Him all things are possible.
Isn't God amazing?
I've just about got rid of all my things. My church is helping me with the last of it. I'm not gonna pretend. It hurts. And everyone keeps telling me I'm going to regret getting rid of everything when I settle down again. But I can't justify keeping stuff in storage that can be used and loved by others on the chance that I might "settle down" in 5, 10, 20 years from now. Plus, I'd be worried about it. I'm keeping Mom's butterfly's and a couple of small blankets she made. That's enough. Everything else was Mom's life. And it was a good life. But now I have to live my own. I can't carry hers with me anymore. And I have to be free to go wherever God leads me. Material possessions are just that! And I don't want anything holding me back.
God's too amazing for that!
I've been singing a song a lot lately. It was from a Christian cartoon when I was a kid. I always loved it. As a teen I recorded the words and memorized it. Now, I realize it was a prayer and a blessing I was holding onto even as a little girl. It was about the parable Jesus taught comparing the Kingdom of God to a merchant seeking pearls. I can watch that cartoon episode today and it makes me cry. I think the words can explain what I'm doing better than I can.
"All that I have.
I'll give all that I have.
Till I hold in my hand the pearl.
Nothing I have can compare to the price when I hold in my hand the pearl.
Brighter than sun.
Clearer than glass.
Dearer than gold.
The Pearl.
Kingdom of God! It's the Kingdom of God!
It's life with my Lord.
The Pearl.
All that I have is ashes, is earth,
now that I've seen the Pearl.
And I cannot rest, I will not be content, til at last it is mine, forever to shine,
The Kingdom of God.
The Pearl.
Let me sell everything I own.
All in this dreary world I've known.
Treasures and possessions now I bring to trade them for one single shinning thing.
All that I have is ashes, is earth, now that I've seen the Pearl.
And I cannot rest, I will not be content, til at last it is mine, forever to shine,
The Kingdom of God.
The Pearl."
-Does anyone honestly believe that it's a coincidence that I've held that particular song dear since childhood?
Isn't God amazing?
Well, that's about it for now, I guess. Not a lot of action going on outside, but on the inside there's still amazing things happening. The most important thing I need to focus in right now is putting others before myself. In other words: God's given me a lot of special attention, and now it's time for me to help others to find the same thing I did. And there's a small part of my future I think He's let me get a small look at. Still praying about it.
It's just going to happen one day at a time.
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